What I’ve been doing the last few years…

(Pachinko, Bones of Crows, Shogun)

When the world shut down in 2020, I had spent the previous year working full-time on my first big Hollywood production. Which sounds exciting, but it was a job that was low-paying, stole all my time, and made me feel trapped (I learned a lot, but I still didn’t enjoy it). I was planning on travelling and going back to school in London, UK after the show ended - a fresh start. 

But obviously things took a turn for everyone and we got stuck inside, plans shattered, anxiety about the future hit in full-force. 

Working on a production means you are inevitably around people. LOTS of people. Most people don’t realize there are HUNDREDS of people behind the camera. Every production got shut down on March 13, 2020 and nobody knew what lay ahead. 

But the film industry bounced back very quickly. Covid safety plans were drafted up, approved, and productions were back up and running within a few months (money talks I suppose). After all, Hollywood could afford to pay for thousands of Covid tests and new safety measures. (And everyone was stuck at home, waiting for content to watch!). 

So, I got back to work. (Fortunately in a different role). 

And I worked a lot. In particular, in 2021 - and continued doing so until summer of 2022. It resulted in a host of physical, mental, and emotional health issues - rather severe burnout, and then some. It was a case of, if you don’t take a break, your body will do it for you. 

Part of the burnout was from the sheer number of hours I worked (16hr days were the norm, not the exception). But another part was from the stress of being one of a few people in crews of hundreds that had speciality skillsets, and thus relied on heavily - but with no real power. Or just being someone who felt a sense of responsibility to work to the best of my abilities for the integrity of the material. 

I didn’t mind the responsibility - I’ve usually worked really hard to get whatever opportunities have come my way. But over time, it would sometimes get to me when I felt that nobody else cared or worked as hard. I was also in roles that I knew weren’t “my dream” but I was eager to take them on, for the sake of learning as much as possible. But at times I felt that the efforts and sacrifices I was putting in, weren’t leading me to where I wanted to go. 

Which may not be “true” per se, but that’s how I felt at times. Especially when I was severely sleep-deprived and wondering what I was doing with my life, despite all my efforts.

That being said, I am grateful to have worked on the shows I did. I learned a lot and I chose them because they aligned with my values in some way or another. The shows I worked on post-Covid outbreak were Pachinko (on Apple+), Bones of Crows (will be on CBC), and Shogun (will be on FX/Disney+). 

Pachinko was exceedingly stressful to work on, for various reasons. It was like an adrenaline hit everyday (which is NOT good for your health). This multi-generational, multi-national, and nuanced story about a poor Korean family that immigrates to Japan in the face of adversity, needed a lot of specialty care. But there usually weren’t enough people versed in Korean or Japanese on the crew - which put a lot of pressure on the few people around who had some sort of linguistic, historical, and cultural background in these areas. 

That doesn’t mean it turned out tragically wrong (just watch the show - it’s beautiful), and that certainly doesn’t mean that everyone who participated weren’t capable or caring. But it shows a lack of diversity in this industry - if it was that difficult finding people who were skilled in these areas. Because they exist. They may just not be in the industry (yet) - and for various reasons. One of the reasons could be that the industry doesn’t have a good track record of being inclusive - which just feeds the problem. 

But I will commend those who took on this project despite their lack of knowledge in the area. Lots of crew left because it was a “hard” show (and this goes for all three of the projects I was on). 

I took on this project because I loved the book. Its themes of identity, otherness, struggle, and resilience throughout generations spoke to me on such a personal level. It is the kind of story that everyone needs to read, not just to learn history, but to develop complex levels of empathy and understanding of what it means to “other” people and to be “othered” in a society that you cannot escape. There is no place to call “home” when you are not accepted anywhere.

It also had a female lead who was sensitive, exceedingly strong, and with an indomitable spirit. Women had to be this way during these times (the story takes place between 1910-1989), and they are so frequently over-looked in history. I always say that women were the backbone of Korea’s development and never acknowledged. 

Pachinko Season 1 can be viewed on Apple+. Despite the exhaustion from working on this show, I was heartened to see its reception when it came out. 

I accepted Bones of Crows for very similar reasons to Pachinko. It is about a strong and complex female lead who must overcome adversity and tragedy as an Indigenous woman in Canada. This story also takes us through WW2, the horrible history of residential schools, and into modern times. We also see intergenerational trauma as a result of the adversity the family faced from racism. It is an untold and important story to tell - one that more people need to know about and learn from. 

This show had a smaller budget, which came with its own set of challenges. I didn’t stay on this project for very long because I was jumping onto another show, but I am grateful to have contributed, even a small amount, to this story. I was also pleased to see that the production took on as many Indigenous crew as possible.

I couldn’t stay on this project because I went onto Shogun. This is a TV show based on the book by James Clavell, about 1600s feudal Japan. This means warring samurai - the most dramatic time in Japanese history. 

I agreed to this project because I wanted more experience on-set and this reincarnation of the story promised to show a more balanced view, with beefed up characterizations of the women and Japanese characters. The book (and original TV series) told the story from the viewpoint of the foreign, Caucasian, male - which has its own problems.

I haven’t been able to watch anything from this project yet. I hope that the show has been able to right the wrongs of the previous tellings of this tale. But despite that, just like on Pachinko, it was such a novel experience working on a show with so many Asian people. After years of griping about the lack of diversity in media (which will always be a work in progress), I couldn’t believe I was running around on-set with people dressed in hanboks and kimonos. 

I can only hope this keeps going, that more stories will be told that need telling, that are about people and perspectives of all backgrounds. 

But as mentioned, these projects took a toll on my health. I had no time to take care of myself or have any kind of a life. I was always tired, and this affected all parts of my life. So after Shogun, I decided to take a break to try to rehabilitate myself and reassess what I wanted in life. Everything was an amazing experience, but I wanted to create my own work - and I didn’t have the time (or confidence) to do that when working 16hr days.

I am happy to say that I just finished shooting my first short film (and for NO money). All my experiences over the years, working across all aspects of the industry were exceptionally useful in this process (even the painful ones). So for that, I am grateful. I can only hope to move forward from here - in the direction I want to go. So hears to 2023 yielding more new experiences and work that speaks to me. And hopefully for you too.