How to Reach your Goals

(…and be okay if you don’t reach them)

This time last year, I had decided to start a website and finally introduce some of my thoughts to the wider world. I thought I’d be writing once a month in the very least. But that stopped after a few months. 

It wasn’t because I had nothing to say. But after some health issues, a horrendously demanding work schedule, and some life setbacks, I retreated into myself. I didn’t feel I could share anything useful or insightful that didn’t leave me feeling like a fraud or stripped bare.

And sometimes it’s better to do that. To tend to yourself. The only constant in our lives is change and we must be malleable to that. And when it comes to our health - we can’t do anything without it. 

But I am also reminded of this quote from Neil Gaiman on writing, that makes me feel somewhat emboldened to start again. It can tip the balances when walking the line between fear and excitement.

“The moment that you feel, just possibly, you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind, and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself...That is the moment, you might be starting to get it right.”

Neil Gaiman

Shared vulnerability is what creates connection, after all. And what people crave during our darker times. 

So going off that, something I grappled with during the pandemic, like many people, is anxiety. For various reasons. But one of the causes is that I felt I wasn’t working towards “my dreams” enough. My “unrealistic” dreams. But I am also someone who feels I have to try before being able to put desires to rest.

It was eating away at me because I had told myself over and over that the only reason I haven’t gotten there yet was because I wasn’t trying hard enough. I had to remind myself of one of the items I wrote in my “10 Things I Learned in 2020” list from last year - that I can’t control everything. Not everything is my “fault” - especially a pandemic.  

So I reaffirmed to myself how grateful I was to have lived a mostly normal life (given the circumstances). But I was still left feeling burnt out and hollow by the end of 2021. I had just blamed this feeling on fatigue, but once I had a bit of rest, I realized I was feeling horribly unfulfilled. So I decided that now was an opportune time to assess these feelings and to make some New Year’s resolutions - and perhaps tackle some of those dreams (but also remind myself that life isn’t always about a future event - but enjoying the now. Another lesson from 2020). 

To keep me heading in a meaningful direction here are some guidelines I am setting for myself. Hopefully you also find them helpful.

1. Write them down

I’ve always believed that writing down goals is the first step in moving towards them. You have taken an intangible thought and brought it out into the open. It has started being realized. 

2. No matter how lofty, break down the goals into small steps

Incremental change is always possible. Whether your goal is to become an Olympian, or write a book, you can always start small. 

3. Record dates and frequencies

For example, if you want to lose weight and decide you’re going to hit the gym, it’s not enough to just say you want to “get healthy” or “lose 10 lbs.” Give yourself a date and mark down all the times you go to the gym or do something that contributes to your goal. Even if it’s writing down “gym” in your calendar in red ink. Then you can see how often you are following your schedule. Or if your goals is to write a book, give yourself a goal of writing X number of words a day. 

4. Make it a habit that you enjoy

If you hate going to the gym, you probably won’t be making it a habit and you’re likely to stop at some point. Instead, do something you enjoy and build it into your life enough that it becomes part of your routine. If you don’t like the gym, but you like cycling and socializing, then join a cycling group. It’ll keep you motivated and accountable.

5. Tell people you trust to help you stay accountable 

That cycling group or a gym buddy may keep you going on those days you just don’t feel like it. 

6. Write down and review why you want this. 

If you’ve made it a habit, have an accountability buddy, and have been diligently recording your progress, but still feel like you’re hitting a wall, it may come down to why you really want this. This may require more soul searching.

7. Remember that a lot of life is “the journey, not the destination”

Aside from those bucket-list goals, usually goals require lifestyle changes. Making something a habit means you have added or changed something in your life on a constant basis - it’s not usually a one-time thing. If you can’t stand the road to get to your goals, then you may have to ask yourself why you want to get there. Because once you are there, it is unlikely you’ll have an epiphany and everything will be right in the world. If you want to lose weight for a wedding (a marked date), then go back to your previous habits, that’s fine. But if you want to lose weight and get healthy for the long-run, then you’ll have to keep working out and eating healthy after you reach that goal. If you want to write a book, but hate writing, you may be able to get through the initial pain and feel the rewards upon finishing. But if you want to write a book in order to kick off a career as a writer, then you will have to keep up this new lifestyle of writing X number of words a day. 

8. If you’re scared…

Sometimes the reason for inaction or never fulfilling your desires is because you’re scared. Scared of losing money, scared of feeling stupid, scared of failure etc. Sometimes these are legitimate concerns - especially if large sums of money are concerned. But sometimes, regret over not trying will haunt you longer than trying and it not turning out exactly as planned. Things in life rarely do. You will learn and move on. Hopefully in a better direction.