10 Things I Learned in 2020
Happy Lunar New Year! The dumpster fire that is known as this past year is over. But the fire isn’t out just yet. We’re into February and it’s clear that while there is hope on the horizon, the fight is long from being over.
But I’m hoping that the lessons learned from 2020 will help me (and others) through 2021. We are adaptable beings after all.
As I’m sure was the case for many others, 2020 was supposed to go very differently for me.
This time last year, I was working 70+ hour weeks on a show that I was rather done with, in a role that didn’t pay me enough, whilst balancing freelance work with international clients, and also applying for grad schools.
“Balance” is probably not the right word here. There was no balance. I was just working all the time and desperately trying to claw myself out of a spiral of workaholism. I was constantly “on” and wired, which also gave me terrible insomnia. Fun.
But then, like dominos falling, everything shut down one after the other.
And suddenly I didn’t have a job. I remember being on the drive home and feeling like whatever notion of “control” I had over my life was slipping out of my grasp and quickly spiralling away from me.
I had been really unhappy that past year and had been working towards changing that. I thought this could be achieved by going to grad school abroad, traveling (of course, my trips got cancelled), and ticking off a few items from the “Things I Always Wanted to Do” check list of my life. I thought I was on the cusp of that life change and it would release me from the prison of stress I lived in - if only I could hold on a little longer.
But instead, I got locked inside like everyone else. And then got stuck in mires of anxiety (about the world and about myself) and self-doubt. There was no release.
Especially in the first few weeks of lockdown. There was one day that I felt completely paralyzed, and all I seemed to be able to do was sit on my couch and look up at the ceiling for several hours feeling listless and useless.
I knew I had to do something about this.
So I did. (Hopefully I will write more about it overtime). And through that, here are some of the things I learned and things I hope to keep implementing in my life (although I am a work-in-progress):
Take care of your mental health. This is something we don’t do enough. But how can we function without our minds? I’m glad the conversation towards mental health is shifting and it isn’t seen as being “weak” to talk about it.
It’s okay to feel bad. We can’t avoid negative feelings all the time. Nor should we. I found that trying to avoid negative thoughts and feelings actually made them linger longer and made my emotions ping pong all over the place. Feel it. Observe it objectively. Then, it’ll be easier to move on.
Don’t peg your happiness on a future event. I kept doing this. I kept thinking that I’ll be happier in the future when X, Y, Z happened, instead of focusing on the now. This is a recipe for anxiety and unhappiness!
You can’t control everything - and that’s okay. I kept blaming myself for my life not going the way I had planned. “If I had only tried harder,” is a common thought that crosses my mind. I am still learning to address this voice in my head and tell myself it’s not always true.
Isolation vs. Solitude. At a time when we have been trapped in our homes, it has amplified the already worsening crisis of loneliness and feelings of isolation. But there is a way to shift from feeling isolated and lonely, to feeling comfortable in our solitude. I hope to elaborate on this more in the future. But in short, it was through purpose and mindfulness.
Take a break! And be okay about it. This might seem painfully obvious, but it’s easy to get stuck in a vortex of workaholism if you feel you have no choice. Or just grappling with modern day busyness where we feel we must always be doing something. I learned to embrace the extra time to work on my health, wellness, and think about what’s truly important.
If we don’t have our health, we can’t do anything. Working too much and letting our health fall to the wayside is not worth it. You can’t do anything when you’re dead.
Don’t listen to everyone. I realize this can be taken out of context easily. We are in the information age and also the age where people can get trapped in the echo-chambers of their bubbles. But what I mean here is sometimes we need to look honestly at ourselves, our own inner voices, and determine what our desires are without social and familial pressures.
Breathe. Just take a moment to breathe and get back in touch with your mind and body.
Love yourself. This is a saying that has recently been commercialized and I always found it gimmicky as a result. But when l I finally took a moment to understand what this meant, I could see the importance of truly finding a way to do this. If you can love yourself, you will find peace with all the rights and wrongs of your life.
BONUS
There is still beauty and hope in this world. A lot happened in 2020. A lot of negative. But we are resilient, adaptable, intelligent, and empathetic beings. Hopefully we’ll emerge from the carnage to become better people and create a better future. And maybe we learned that there is beauty in the small moments too.
